It’s safe to say that everyone has felt the icy breath of winter here at Western Illinois University. For some, however, it has been a milder one. The reason? Nature’s greatest invention: the beard.
While the beard has been popularized in recent years by stars like Zach Galifianakis, they have also popped up in clothing trends, a TV show about professional beard growing contestants and, of course, no-shave November.
Why the popularity? Because beards are amazing. Here are five reasons why.
1. Warmth — Illinois isn’t exactly known for being the warmest place during the winter months. Snowfall can be abundant, temperatures are far too frequently below freezing and the wind blowing in from the vast emptiness of Iowa can chill right down to the bone.
However, the beard combats all these with ease. The beard radiates warmth from the face.
2. Hide identities — Who hasn’t wanted to be someone else? Halloween is based on this principal. The beard offers a change of identity that is on the cheap. Grow it out, and you become a new man. The beard can also be a financial motivator from this point.
Step 1. Grow out a big mountain man beard.
Step 2. Commit a few dozen armed robberies.
Step 3. Shave it off.
Step 4. Weep over the loss of your beard.
Step 5. Laugh and count your loot as the police search for the mountain man bandit.
Author’s note: I have never engaged in this activity and am not using my beard to hide from the Florida State Police.
3. Sexy Ladies — A beard can quickly separate the men from the boys. What do the ladies prefer: a clean-shaven face, or a rugged, bearded face that speaks with experience and authority?
The beard lets the ladies know who is in charge, and it deters other men from trying to swoop in and steal your lady.
4. Lazy — The maintenance for a beard, as long as it’s not overly fancy, can be quite minimal — just a few minutes a week touching up. The average man, however, will spend 60 hours a year shaving.
No one should waste that amount of time on such a tedious activity. 60 hours — there are better ways to spend that amount of time. Another seven-ish full nights of sleep, watching every episode from the first three seasons of “The Simpsons” (with commercials), getting SCUBA diving certified twice over with time to spare or going to 20 professional baseball games.
5. Cheap — Razors are expensive. Disposable ones can add up when buying them month after month, and breaking down and spending money on an electric one can be out of reach for some. The beard saves men from having to buy all these items. That money can be better spent on item number three of this list.
Growing a beard isn’t for everyone, such as ladies or men with inferior genes, but for those who can, it is a delightful experience. The warmth and good looks presented by a beard are unparalleled. So, if you’ve never done it and find yourself able, don’t wait until no-shave November. Go ahead and experience all the joy a beard can bring to your life.
http://www.westerncourier.com/opinions/nature-s-greatest-gift-the-beard/article_8ff047cc-6f13-11e2-9b66-001a4bcf6878.html
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